I know, I know, it's been 17 days since I last wrote. But if you think 'bout it, 17 days isn't that much. Maybe I'm trying to prove some philosophical point about how we are so expectant for things immediately. Or maybe I just forgot....
I rode back to school with a good friend yesterday. Usually the two hour drive is pretty boring, the same scenic fields, cows, and small po-dunk towns passing by. The mediocrity of that drive was replaced with some life-giving time talking with a friend.
It plunked (planked? plunk? had plunken?) a massive wad of thoughts into my lap, begging to be sort through.
Yesterday I was at Redeemer with my sister and her hubs (my sister wrote about Redeemer here, read it, she's incredible). Leviticus was the Pentateuch-al book they were in then, and this book is BORING. It's the book I avoid because it's all the rules the people were to follow, who wants to read about scabs and dead animals?
But as speaker-man went on, he began to talk about why this was important. Get past the whole "atonement for our sins" thing, that doesn't mean much to anyone because we're not Jewish (because I would rather write this way, I'm going to summarize what he said, I hate adding the "he said" to everything, I beg your pardon, this is not my own idea by ANY means). Back then sacrifice was watching a goat getting it's throat slit, and all the blood and gore that would come spewing out over everything. Sick right? The point of sacrifice was to be sicked out. It was to be able to look at that nasty, gutted animal and say, "that is me--oh boy" DAILY. They saw that every day, to be reminded of how much they did needed God.
Do I think I need God?
My mom introduced me to the concept of Functional Atheism a while back. In essence, it is our living day to day as if God doesn't really exist, talking up this big mantra of theology and feelings, but truthfully living as if God wasn't any part of me except for my "quiet time".
On the car ride home, Friend and I were talking about "witnessing" and how it's become a disturbing concept to us. It has become a means of showing people they need to be as good as us, to be saved so that they can have what we have. GAG. The point of even talking to people about Christ is because we NEED Him. The thought of telling someone that they need Christ to change them while I sit here and act as if He doesn't even exist in my life makes me sick. Who would want that? If I don't know how badly I need Christ in my day to day moody, arrogant, me-centeredness, then I have no reason to tell someone else they need Him.
I need Christ, and today I know it. I pray I come to know it everyday. I pray God puts some sort of dead goat in my path everyday as a serious reminder of my nasty-ness, and my absolute need for Him.
May we all come to find our need for Christ and may it come to change the core of who we are.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Something Beautiful
I would apologize for the length between blogs, but then I remember, "hey, I'm on break!" and then I don't feel so bad (name that movie).
I have been on break for exactly 28 days. During those 28 days I have slept, thought, read, created, napped, traveled, and dozed. Much of that has been with my sister. I know I have alluded to this before, but it has been a HUGE thought for me the past few days. There is something BEAUTIFUL about being invited into someone's life. Not being entertained, or prioritized, but invited. Invited to rest, hang, laugh, talk, read, sleep, play, live, breath, and BE. It is literally divine. My sister and her husband have created that for me at home, and at school I have that with my K-Life family. I will scream this until I'm blue in the face, we are called to a life of rest. Not JUST sleep and hanging, but resting in what Christ is digging into in our lives, resting in His absolute goodness despite our circumstances, resting in laughter and enjoyment, resting through grace to not have it together or to do it right.
This week I got to enjoy the laughter and enjoyment one. My knees are black and blue due to my attempt to play ice hockey. Regardless of my physical state after this, it was a time to enjoy and laugh and accumulate an experience. I won my first game of Settlers, and then experienced the humbling of losing the very next game to the underdogs.
There is a huge part of my heart that stirs and rests simultaneously in the presence of people who I admire. I have found integrity and honor to be two of the rarest qualities to be seen in people, I know I definitely fail in those quite frequently. This week I was privileged to spend time with some people I have the utmost respect for. A married couple who are servants and love deeply without judgement. A group of guys who are more concerned about doing what is right then what is comfortable, and about being gentle men who share that same kind of love. Girls who find great joy in being who Christ created them to be rather than trying to emulate a standard. It is RESTFUL for me to be around people who are honorable. Being around these people stirs my affection for Christ, because I see Christ in them. I am honored to get to experience and enjoy these people in my life.
I find so much pleasure in those relationships, because they are things I have previously killed in my life.
I have been on break for exactly 28 days. During those 28 days I have slept, thought, read, created, napped, traveled, and dozed. Much of that has been with my sister. I know I have alluded to this before, but it has been a HUGE thought for me the past few days. There is something BEAUTIFUL about being invited into someone's life. Not being entertained, or prioritized, but invited. Invited to rest, hang, laugh, talk, read, sleep, play, live, breath, and BE. It is literally divine. My sister and her husband have created that for me at home, and at school I have that with my K-Life family. I will scream this until I'm blue in the face, we are called to a life of rest. Not JUST sleep and hanging, but resting in what Christ is digging into in our lives, resting in His absolute goodness despite our circumstances, resting in laughter and enjoyment, resting through grace to not have it together or to do it right.
This week I got to enjoy the laughter and enjoyment one. My knees are black and blue due to my attempt to play ice hockey. Regardless of my physical state after this, it was a time to enjoy and laugh and accumulate an experience. I won my first game of Settlers, and then experienced the humbling of losing the very next game to the underdogs.
There is a huge part of my heart that stirs and rests simultaneously in the presence of people who I admire. I have found integrity and honor to be two of the rarest qualities to be seen in people, I know I definitely fail in those quite frequently. This week I was privileged to spend time with some people I have the utmost respect for. A married couple who are servants and love deeply without judgement. A group of guys who are more concerned about doing what is right then what is comfortable, and about being gentle men who share that same kind of love. Girls who find great joy in being who Christ created them to be rather than trying to emulate a standard. It is RESTFUL for me to be around people who are honorable. Being around these people stirs my affection for Christ, because I see Christ in them. I am honored to get to experience and enjoy these people in my life.
I find so much pleasure in those relationships, because they are things I have previously killed in my life.
That I may gain Christ, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.
Philippians 3:9
I was struck this morning by the two types of Righteousness Paul points out here. The first being the kind of righteousness of knowing how good of a job I did when I follow the rules. Self-righteousness. It is a gratification to KNOW I did a good job and that no one can fault my action. The type of righteousness that comes with trying to do everything right, to be the perfect one, the one everyone looks at and says, "man, they are SUCH a good Christian, I want to be more like them." I am SO guilty of this. It's righteousness in disguise, a way of judging success without actually having to be accountable to Christ.
Then there's the second type. The type of righteousness that comes from not attempting for righteousness but attempting for Christ. It comes by faith, a coming to the end of ourselves, a desperation and need to need Christ. It comes when we allow Christ to surpass expectations, when we ditch our expectations and let Him work things out in a way that doesn't make sense, but works regardless. When it stops making sense is typically where the beauty begins. This is the righteousness I beg to overcome me. To know Christ as my need, to see the fragility of myself and the weariness that comes from trying. I beg for the familiarity of Christ's hand to come into my life so that I won't be so caught off guard when things don't seem to be "right."
May we know Christ to be who He says He is. May we ask Him to work and ask Him to shake our false perceptions of what faith and righteousness look like and recreate them into something that points straight to rest in Him. May we find rest in Him today. May we laugh today. May we be a people who enjoy and are enjoyed because of the God we know in us, and the definable characteristics He has purposed for us to develop. May we come to delight in things and not take it all so seriously. May the lightness of trusting in Christ bless us with the opportunity to experience Him as fully as we are intended to.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My Business is to Create
"I will not reason or compare, my business is to create."
I find nothing more restful, more cathartic, more....effervescent than making something, or enjoying things other people have made. There is something beautiful about starting with scraps and ending with an object of appeal.
I've spent my afternoon at Starbucks, reading some, but mostly looking at blogs. My soul stirs when I do this, to see the human mind create something of such aesthetic allure with color, texture, and some hot glue. The point being nothing but the enjoyment of the finished project, the rest beauty can provide. And isn't that what it is?
Our human hearts rest in beauty. My sister has defined beauty before as, "something that draws you in." It's a transferable word. People find beauty in a myriad of areas; home decor, writing, music, quilts, nature, food, clothing, etc....but the point is, they find it. And when it's found, we cling to it. Our hearts yearn to be drawn in, for something to catch our eye.
My sister has been gnawing on this concept lately too, through a conversation with a friend, she came to this conclusion.
It is absolutely, positively, Godly to want to create, because God in essence is a creator.
I get a feeling when I look at something I, or someone else has made. The creativity, the endless possibilities the mind can come up with, resulting in appeal. I imagine that's what God felt like when He said, "it is good" in Genesis during the creation. Bleakness into roaring seas of rolling blue waves, emptiness into tall, bold, sturdy tress dressed with leaves and buds, dirt into a fleshy, soulful, passionate life.
It. Is. Good.
I have told my mom a million times over recently how much I want a house to decorate. My heart finds rest in creating a home from objects, knowing that is the place I am going to live, grow, build relationships, and rest for a time. I want that. I desire to create, to build, to fabricate. I think we all do, we just have been squelched in a society of pre-built, cookie cutter, easy basics.
May we be a people who finds rest in beauty and learns to enjoy it. May you find that place or thing or idea that excites you and may you pursue it. May we grow closer to God through creating and seeing the good in it. And may we not be doused by fear of criticism or inferiority, but grow in independence and the individuality of who Christ created us to be.
-William Blake
I find nothing more restful, more cathartic, more....effervescent than making something, or enjoying things other people have made. There is something beautiful about starting with scraps and ending with an object of appeal.
I've spent my afternoon at Starbucks, reading some, but mostly looking at blogs. My soul stirs when I do this, to see the human mind create something of such aesthetic allure with color, texture, and some hot glue. The point being nothing but the enjoyment of the finished project, the rest beauty can provide. And isn't that what it is?
Our human hearts rest in beauty. My sister has defined beauty before as, "something that draws you in." It's a transferable word. People find beauty in a myriad of areas; home decor, writing, music, quilts, nature, food, clothing, etc....but the point is, they find it. And when it's found, we cling to it. Our hearts yearn to be drawn in, for something to catch our eye.
My sister has been gnawing on this concept lately too, through a conversation with a friend, she came to this conclusion.
It is absolutely, positively, Godly to want to create, because God in essence is a creator.
I get a feeling when I look at something I, or someone else has made. The creativity, the endless possibilities the mind can come up with, resulting in appeal. I imagine that's what God felt like when He said, "it is good" in Genesis during the creation. Bleakness into roaring seas of rolling blue waves, emptiness into tall, bold, sturdy tress dressed with leaves and buds, dirt into a fleshy, soulful, passionate life.
It. Is. Good.
I have told my mom a million times over recently how much I want a house to decorate. My heart finds rest in creating a home from objects, knowing that is the place I am going to live, grow, build relationships, and rest for a time. I want that. I desire to create, to build, to fabricate. I think we all do, we just have been squelched in a society of pre-built, cookie cutter, easy basics.
May we be a people who finds rest in beauty and learns to enjoy it. May you find that place or thing or idea that excites you and may you pursue it. May we grow closer to God through creating and seeing the good in it. And may we not be doused by fear of criticism or inferiority, but grow in independence and the individuality of who Christ created us to be.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Me, Myself, and Christ
There are few activities more enjoyable to me than reading. I love it. Big books, small books, red books, blue books, as long as it's not a textbook I am just fine.
It's been a six month long stint of reading Mere Christianity. Slow going, but so so worth it. Mr. Lewis has given me so much to gnaw on lately. I know I say it every post, but at this point it's tradition so I will just say it again, these past few months have been so hard. It's been change after change, heartbreak after heartbreak, and it's left my mind destitute and my heart empty. The glue that's been holding me together is the fact that the Lord has been so faithful in it all. So true and tangible. So good.
The constant ripping away of familiarity has left me a lot of space to question things. Space to ask about whether my way of life is Truth or is familiar. Not that familiar is bad, it's just familiar. But a lot of times we mistake familiarity for Truth. Maybe our way isn't always the only right. And if that's true then we need to shut up a lot more and grace others with the ability to find their own right way. C.S. Lewis says it this way, "You may say that we are washed in the blood of the Lamb. You may say that Christ has defeated death. You can say that Christ died for our sins. You may say that the Father has forgiven us because Christ has done for us what we ought to have done. They are all true. If any of them do not appeal to you, leave it alone and get on with the formula that does. And, whatever you do, do not start quarreling with other people because they use a different formula from yours."
God did not create us to create a cookie cutter Christianity based on one system of right. God created us to possess complete individuality. As I've written before, individuality is so hard for me. I tend to latch on to others individuality and wish it my own to the point where I am just a hodge podge of other people's interests. But that's where this season comes in. I know I'm no where near the edge of the woods yet, but I do believe the Lord has given me this season to shatter the facade I've created. It's a time for me to be completely my own and to learn to enjoy who that is, and to enjoy the own-ness of others.
I love to read and learn. I love to know things. I love coffee. But....I'm not necessarily picky, I may not be similar to anyone I know, and I am afraid to try new things. I don't think I'm going to come out of this having a Do's and Don'ts list of things I like and don't, but I do think that when I find those things, I'm going to be a whole lot more likely to let that be me.
The thing my sister and I talked about yesterday that has struck such a strong chord came from a conversation about our mother. My mom is wonderful. Gracious, gentle, a fantastic listener, and completely her own person. She is so comfortable with who she was created to be that she gladly invites you to join her in the activities she loves, but is not offended if you don't want to join her. She is satisfied in Christ. Her wholeness is there. And that's what it comes down to. My mother is Christ to me. She emanates who I would so see Him being here (with a fleshy side too, don't hear me say I think my mother is perfect). But the reason I know it's Christ in her is because I cannot for the life of me pinpoint a characteristic to be why I see that in her. I look at my mother and say, "wow, there must be something bigger that is changing her and making her this person. That isn't human." I KNOW it has to be God in her.
And that's what I want. I want to be consumed with Christ in my individuality. I want Him to create in me a person who is not looking to be admired and loved, but who is looking for Christ. In 1 Samuel the people of Israel ask Samuel to appoint them a king so they can be like everyone else. They don't need a king, they have God to lead them. But they don't care that they have what is good, they want what is the norm. God ends up giving it to them and it screws them over. Their king ends up being an awful man totally bent on protecting his ego. I think that's how I've been. The Lord is here, waiting for me to just admit that who I am is good enough because I was created by Him but I keep wanting what everyone else has. Instead of asking Christ to come in and work in the passions and desires He's given me, I keep asking for new ones, "better" one's. But in the end it's not better. It's just different, and not my own. And if I keep wanting what everyone else has then I'm going to screw myself out of the goodness of the relationship God has in mind for me and Him. That breaks my heart.
It's Christmas Eve. Tonight and tomorrow are going to be spent hearing about Christ being born. About the hope of knowing that sometimes the different, even seemingly ridiculous way, can be the best way. The way that brings about wonderful things. May the Lord consecrate this time to Him. I pray with deep desire that all of us experience that kind of hope and joy these next twenty-four hours. May the knowledge of God's willingness to work in everything draw us to Him. May He take away the fear of hard things and fill us with the knowledge of His nearness through them. May we understand God's goodness and loosen the expectations we have of Him to be a certain way. May the Lord keep coming in manger's, keep surprising us.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Cauliflower
I just ate cauliflower, carrot, celery, onion soup. And I liked it...
Now for those who know me, you realize what a BIG deal this is. I am characteristically known for eating mac and cheese, brisket, and bread at Christmas Eve dinner, skip the ham, pass over the jello salad, skirt past the green bean casserole. Actually the Jackson children in general have been on numerous occasions dubbed "the pickiest children ever."
As I was eating this soup, the thought hit me, "what if I'm really not picky." Whoa. If I'm not picky then WHO AM I??? For 19 years I have been snubbing any food that is not fried, sugary, or shear carbs.
This may seem rather medial to you, but this thought was monumental to me. I've wondered about this a significant enough amount of time to warrant a sincere reflection of the idea. What are things I do because I enjoy or are really an unchangeable reality of myself, and what are things I do out of expectation or fear? I found a few months ago that with certain people I refine my tastes in activities to things they enjoy because we relate in them, so when I spent a significant amount of time with those people, I was losing some of the God-given passions I was created for. I got caught up in the shared experience rather than enjoyment of the activity.
Don't get me wrong, it is a lovely and restful thing to spend time doing things that are mutually enjoyed with a dear friend. But for me the excessiveness of it came to be obsession. I am by nature a people pleaser. The good side of it is that the Lord has instilled in me with an strong inclination towards sacrifice and compassion. The detrimental side of it is the incessant need to be enough and do enough so that people are always happy with me. The detrimental side and I have been wrestling a lot lately, and he's been winning.
But the wonderful part about this is that I am loved by a God who doesn't leave me to deal with this. I've been learning what it means to draw away from people (something VERY hard for me) and have been doing things I enjoy out of shear enjoyment. And you know what I found? I haven't even been enjoying God. My FAITH had even come to be subject to this excessively people centered nature of mine. I was challenged with this question this semester, "what are things that increase your affection for Christ?" And the antonym to this, "what are things that steal away your affection for Christ?" It was a question meant to avoid a "doing" mentality, not a list of Christian rights and wrongs of how to do our faith, but what stirs affection, desire, love. What makes me WANT to serve and love God in a deeper way? What steals that love, desire, and affection from me? And then what sacrifices am I willing to make to have that kind of affection?
Big Daddy Break is finally here. Nothing to do for five weeks. And after such an exhausting semester, I am beyond ready for this. I pray for this to be a time to experience the happy medium between asking God how to become more affectionate for Him, and being able to stop and rest in the great desire and affection He already has for me. I am excited for this. A time to be away from it all. To be drawn to Christ. As Clive Staples said in Mere Christianity:
May this be a season for us to grow our affection for Jesus. For God with us who began as a fetus. May the affection He has for us give us hope in the midst of reality. May we come to know God as bigger, stronger, and all the more loving than we have believed Him to be. May He surpass expectations and meet us in our desperate humanity.
Now for those who know me, you realize what a BIG deal this is. I am characteristically known for eating mac and cheese, brisket, and bread at Christmas Eve dinner, skip the ham, pass over the jello salad, skirt past the green bean casserole. Actually the Jackson children in general have been on numerous occasions dubbed "the pickiest children ever."
As I was eating this soup, the thought hit me, "what if I'm really not picky." Whoa. If I'm not picky then WHO AM I??? For 19 years I have been snubbing any food that is not fried, sugary, or shear carbs.
This may seem rather medial to you, but this thought was monumental to me. I've wondered about this a significant enough amount of time to warrant a sincere reflection of the idea. What are things I do because I enjoy or are really an unchangeable reality of myself, and what are things I do out of expectation or fear? I found a few months ago that with certain people I refine my tastes in activities to things they enjoy because we relate in them, so when I spent a significant amount of time with those people, I was losing some of the God-given passions I was created for. I got caught up in the shared experience rather than enjoyment of the activity.
Don't get me wrong, it is a lovely and restful thing to spend time doing things that are mutually enjoyed with a dear friend. But for me the excessiveness of it came to be obsession. I am by nature a people pleaser. The good side of it is that the Lord has instilled in me with an strong inclination towards sacrifice and compassion. The detrimental side of it is the incessant need to be enough and do enough so that people are always happy with me. The detrimental side and I have been wrestling a lot lately, and he's been winning.
But the wonderful part about this is that I am loved by a God who doesn't leave me to deal with this. I've been learning what it means to draw away from people (something VERY hard for me) and have been doing things I enjoy out of shear enjoyment. And you know what I found? I haven't even been enjoying God. My FAITH had even come to be subject to this excessively people centered nature of mine. I was challenged with this question this semester, "what are things that increase your affection for Christ?" And the antonym to this, "what are things that steal away your affection for Christ?" It was a question meant to avoid a "doing" mentality, not a list of Christian rights and wrongs of how to do our faith, but what stirs affection, desire, love. What makes me WANT to serve and love God in a deeper way? What steals that love, desire, and affection from me? And then what sacrifices am I willing to make to have that kind of affection?
Big Daddy Break is finally here. Nothing to do for five weeks. And after such an exhausting semester, I am beyond ready for this. I pray for this to be a time to experience the happy medium between asking God how to become more affectionate for Him, and being able to stop and rest in the great desire and affection He already has for me. I am excited for this. A time to be away from it all. To be drawn to Christ. As Clive Staples said in Mere Christianity:
"Good things as well as bad, you know, are caught by a kind of infection. If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them. They are not a sort of prize which God could, if He chose, just hand out to anyone. They are a fountain of energy, and beauty spurting up at the very centre of reality."
Saturday, December 11, 2010
A Thrill of Hope
Come this time of year, every sermon, every blog post, every Christian radio station begin talking about the "real" meaning of Christmas, and I'm going to be one of them.
Peace, joy, love, three terms assimilated with Christmas. But when Jesus was born, people weren't experiencing peace. There world was a mess. It was filled with pious religious leaders, vicious political leaders, and a corrupt, legalistic system of life rooted in self-righteousness and money. Not a whole lot of joy either, they had nothing to really be joyful in, they were living under the rule of a king who was known for his brutality and willingness to do whatever it took to protect himself, even murdering all the boy babies in Bethlehem. The culture wasn't really known for their wonderful, loving nature either. I mean, how loving is it to send a woman in labor to a barn. Give her your own bed for Pete's sake, she's PREGNANT.
I've been rereading the "Christmas story" lately, and what I see is hope. It wasn't the addition to a great society to have Jesus born. It was the hope to see salvation from the depravity they had been stuck in. Salvation. Deliverance. Hope for a better life than what they had had. Jesus was the symbol from God that they weren't alone, when I bet many of them felt it. This meant God was coming. He hadn't forgotten them, and He was giving them someone to prove it.
Jesus' birth was a time to separate the boys from the men so to speak. More like the Believers from the Jews. Upon Jesus' birth people now had to decide whether they were going to jump from the faith that had become traditional, comfortable, and safe, to following a newborn who was only able to spit-up and cry. A lot of people didn't have the imagination to see beyond circumstance, and the faith to follow down a new path. But those who did, man it was beautiful.
People like the wise men, and the shepherds. The didn't confine God to a box of conventionality and were willing to let Him be God and not make sense of His plans. I bet it was a little easier when they had an angel of the Lord coming with some intense special effects to give them the low down. But still, they didn't have to follow the star. They left everything for a baby.
I wonder if people saw hope in Jesus' face. I wonder if upon seeing Him they just new. I bet they had to have. It was God incarnate. They were looking into the face of the God that had been hidden behind a curtain in a temple for 500 years. They hadn't experienced hope in a long time. It must have been a thrill, a heart-stirring, emotion-bringing, booty-shaking thrill to know that they weren't alone. God was here to save them and change everything. And He was going to do it through the unexpected.
I pray hope over this season, whether it be a season of joy, or a season of hurt, that you would closely know the hope of a God who doesn't give up, who empathizes and understands the depth of what you feel, but is not debilitated by it. Immanuel. God with us. God. With. You.
May we all experience the thrill of hope despite our circumstances. May we fall richly in love with the God who knows what we need most. May we never put God in a box and may we invite Him to use His imagination with us. May the hope of Christ inspire us to love greatly, and live honorably. May we believe in such a way that people want what we have. And may we never forget from where we came.
Keep seeking God.
Peace, joy, love, three terms assimilated with Christmas. But when Jesus was born, people weren't experiencing peace. There world was a mess. It was filled with pious religious leaders, vicious political leaders, and a corrupt, legalistic system of life rooted in self-righteousness and money. Not a whole lot of joy either, they had nothing to really be joyful in, they were living under the rule of a king who was known for his brutality and willingness to do whatever it took to protect himself, even murdering all the boy babies in Bethlehem. The culture wasn't really known for their wonderful, loving nature either. I mean, how loving is it to send a woman in labor to a barn. Give her your own bed for Pete's sake, she's PREGNANT.
I've been rereading the "Christmas story" lately, and what I see is hope. It wasn't the addition to a great society to have Jesus born. It was the hope to see salvation from the depravity they had been stuck in. Salvation. Deliverance. Hope for a better life than what they had had. Jesus was the symbol from God that they weren't alone, when I bet many of them felt it. This meant God was coming. He hadn't forgotten them, and He was giving them someone to prove it.
Jesus' birth was a time to separate the boys from the men so to speak. More like the Believers from the Jews. Upon Jesus' birth people now had to decide whether they were going to jump from the faith that had become traditional, comfortable, and safe, to following a newborn who was only able to spit-up and cry. A lot of people didn't have the imagination to see beyond circumstance, and the faith to follow down a new path. But those who did, man it was beautiful.
People like the wise men, and the shepherds. The didn't confine God to a box of conventionality and were willing to let Him be God and not make sense of His plans. I bet it was a little easier when they had an angel of the Lord coming with some intense special effects to give them the low down. But still, they didn't have to follow the star. They left everything for a baby.
I wonder if people saw hope in Jesus' face. I wonder if upon seeing Him they just new. I bet they had to have. It was God incarnate. They were looking into the face of the God that had been hidden behind a curtain in a temple for 500 years. They hadn't experienced hope in a long time. It must have been a thrill, a heart-stirring, emotion-bringing, booty-shaking thrill to know that they weren't alone. God was here to save them and change everything. And He was going to do it through the unexpected.
I pray hope over this season, whether it be a season of joy, or a season of hurt, that you would closely know the hope of a God who doesn't give up, who empathizes and understands the depth of what you feel, but is not debilitated by it. Immanuel. God with us. God. With. You.
May we all experience the thrill of hope despite our circumstances. May we fall richly in love with the God who knows what we need most. May we never put God in a box and may we invite Him to use His imagination with us. May the hope of Christ inspire us to love greatly, and live honorably. May we believe in such a way that people want what we have. And may we never forget from where we came.
Keep seeking God.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Counter-Christianal
Tonight's one of those nights that no matter how hard I try, I cannot fall asleep. My mind is reeling. All bets are off. The stability of the past nineteen years of my life is out the window.
Two years ago the biggest problem I had was whether I was going to get asked to a dance by a certain boy or not. Then I went to college. The harshness of life and complications of decisions has radically changed my life view from proud, snobby, and shallow, to tentative, confused, and vast. Oddly enough, I'm comforted by the fact that my world got bigger than Suburbia. I don't feel confined to norms and standards anymore and I have finally given myself permission to look beyond normal. It's arisen so many questions that I could easily give the answer to, but only from my tunneled, sheltered knowledge.
But I'm over that. I'm surrounded by two thousand people who all know the answers. But why doesn't this seem right? I'm not talking about the need for another "radical" change to happen. And honestly, I'm completely okay with the fact that I seem to be the only one questioning the norms.
Maybe this is a newfound streak of independence, but I don't want to be growing and challenging in the same way everyone else is, I want what I do to generate from a complete heart of desire and wonder rather than a burst of passion from those around me. I don't think change comes from bursts, but from slow going.
I watched Batman: Dark Night with friends this weekend. At one point, the Joker says, "You have all these rules and you think they'll save you." That's been me. I would dare to say that's been most of us. We have rules that we create because they make sense and seem safe. But what happens when someone else breaks our rules and we're left vulnerable? What happens when A + B doesn't equal C? My rules stem from fear. Fear that the cycle I've been living, this systematic plan isn't the only way. What if there's more or less to it that I am not willing to look and see? I'm afraid that in the end, my way won't prove itself. And if it doesn't, then what?
I've become an honest believer that God is going to prove Himself to be Himself regardless of what we say or do. So I don't think it is wrong to question "normal" every once in a while anymore. In fact, it gives cause for reflection and I think it shows the Lord even more. It's a humbling mentality, as if to say "okay God, I know You're big enough that even if what I'm doing isn't exactly the best, You'll show me what is, even if it hurts". My mentality changes from self-preservation to a belief that all things are used for good. Maybe pain isn't bad all the time (we'll get to that another night).
My view of things has been topsy-turvy lately. I don't really think anyone has jumped on board with me, nor do I think they need to. I've learned I accept truth best when I have a point or purpose to relate it to, a reason, a why. For me to find that I have to go through the back door on things, and sometimes that looks like rejecting basic concepts completely. It gives me fresh eyes to see if the matter is one of personal bias and tradition, or is one based on Truth. Sometimes it's both, sometimes it's neither, and sometimes it's one or the other.
I kinda like the idea that I do Christianity different than everyone else; that sometimes I'm on the same page as them, but others, I just can't seem to find the "why" for myself. I believe there is a lot Christians do that isn't wrong, but it's not the only way either, and it's then I ask for the strength to carry on with what I have found to be true for me. I pray we as little Christs can give each other grace as we attempt to walk the best we know how.
May we not be encased by self-protection, but be courageous to seek Truth. May we be willing to break down walls and question norms and not be fearful of instability. May the Lord keep us close to Him so we are seeking Him rather than the next new thing. And most importantly, may Truth be discovered that grows in us a love and desire to pursue Christ, regardless of circumstances and feelings.
Keep Seeking God.
Two years ago the biggest problem I had was whether I was going to get asked to a dance by a certain boy or not. Then I went to college. The harshness of life and complications of decisions has radically changed my life view from proud, snobby, and shallow, to tentative, confused, and vast. Oddly enough, I'm comforted by the fact that my world got bigger than Suburbia. I don't feel confined to norms and standards anymore and I have finally given myself permission to look beyond normal. It's arisen so many questions that I could easily give the answer to, but only from my tunneled, sheltered knowledge.
But I'm over that. I'm surrounded by two thousand people who all know the answers. But why doesn't this seem right? I'm not talking about the need for another "radical" change to happen. And honestly, I'm completely okay with the fact that I seem to be the only one questioning the norms.
Maybe this is a newfound streak of independence, but I don't want to be growing and challenging in the same way everyone else is, I want what I do to generate from a complete heart of desire and wonder rather than a burst of passion from those around me. I don't think change comes from bursts, but from slow going.
I watched Batman: Dark Night with friends this weekend. At one point, the Joker says, "You have all these rules and you think they'll save you." That's been me. I would dare to say that's been most of us. We have rules that we create because they make sense and seem safe. But what happens when someone else breaks our rules and we're left vulnerable? What happens when A + B doesn't equal C? My rules stem from fear. Fear that the cycle I've been living, this systematic plan isn't the only way. What if there's more or less to it that I am not willing to look and see? I'm afraid that in the end, my way won't prove itself. And if it doesn't, then what?
I've become an honest believer that God is going to prove Himself to be Himself regardless of what we say or do. So I don't think it is wrong to question "normal" every once in a while anymore. In fact, it gives cause for reflection and I think it shows the Lord even more. It's a humbling mentality, as if to say "okay God, I know You're big enough that even if what I'm doing isn't exactly the best, You'll show me what is, even if it hurts". My mentality changes from self-preservation to a belief that all things are used for good. Maybe pain isn't bad all the time (we'll get to that another night).
My view of things has been topsy-turvy lately. I don't really think anyone has jumped on board with me, nor do I think they need to. I've learned I accept truth best when I have a point or purpose to relate it to, a reason, a why. For me to find that I have to go through the back door on things, and sometimes that looks like rejecting basic concepts completely. It gives me fresh eyes to see if the matter is one of personal bias and tradition, or is one based on Truth. Sometimes it's both, sometimes it's neither, and sometimes it's one or the other.
I kinda like the idea that I do Christianity different than everyone else; that sometimes I'm on the same page as them, but others, I just can't seem to find the "why" for myself. I believe there is a lot Christians do that isn't wrong, but it's not the only way either, and it's then I ask for the strength to carry on with what I have found to be true for me. I pray we as little Christs can give each other grace as we attempt to walk the best we know how.
May we not be encased by self-protection, but be courageous to seek Truth. May we be willing to break down walls and question norms and not be fearful of instability. May the Lord keep us close to Him so we are seeking Him rather than the next new thing. And most importantly, may Truth be discovered that grows in us a love and desire to pursue Christ, regardless of circumstances and feelings.
Keep Seeking God.
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