Thursday, February 24, 2011

A Quiet Day

It's a quiet day.

I love quiet days. They're slow, simple, and restful, even in the midst of reality (homework and the like).

A friend and I were driving around yesterday and we saw a homeless man. I have always been forewarned by people to not give money to "those" people based on the assumption that most homeless people will use that money to go buy more alcohol. You know what I think. So what?

I wonder how many of the people there the day Jesus fed the 5,000 that went back to their normal un-godly lives after experiencing that. I'm betting a bunch. Jesus wasn't trying to talk people into Him. He didn't need to.

All we can do is all we can do. And all I can do is hand that dude a fiver and let him know he is loved and not forgotten. What he does with that is his. And that doesn't change my view of him. God loves the alcoholic homeless people like He loves the suburban housewife like He loves the self-righteous, sarcastic, confused mess that is myself.

"The purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith."
 -1 Timothy 1:5

Okay. I had a bunch of other stuff written down before, but that was mine and then I read this and realized the Lord is much smarter than I.

When I write for myself it is bitter, wordy, and often wrong. But when I write out of Truth, it is restful.

Love from a pure heart. I don't do that. How often is what we do based upon some hidden agenda? Whether it be stuff, ego, or "Christian duty."

What is pure love?  

I could recite 1 Corinthians 13 to you. But I would probably vomit from the cliche-ness of it if I did. I think pure love is just what it says. Pure. Outside of ourselves. Love has nothing to do with me and everything to do with what is best or good for the other person/people. And not really caring if anyone notices. Recently I read Francine Rivers Mark of the Lion series. And I have never seen love so beautifully portrayed in a book. The heroine of the story didn't think of herself. Ever. It was always about the good of others and being Christ to them. 

Christ was so familiar to her, because she made that her priority. Her natural self was so evident to her because she knew definitively who Christ was in her. She saw the gap. 

I fool myself all the time into thinking that what I'm doing is Christ-like. I justify my actions because I don't have a pure heart. That is me. That is everyone. But what if I asked Christ to widen the gap between what I saw as right and what was right? Not that Satan doesn't create a facade of rightness in my justification. But maybe if I just asked God what He thought of things instead of building up walks of rationale for everything I thought or did. What if I asked for a gentler spirit to hear what He had for me rather than proving myself through my ability to know? What if I was more about Christ than me? 

To be honest, I don't even know how to do that. I am so self-consumed, so blocked off by the reality I choose to live in, so "protected" by my own basis of reason that I don't know how. But man, God wants to break through. And He will, even despite myself. How beautiful is that?

Maybe if I rest in how pure His love is for me, that will rub off. Maybe if I stopped telling Him how to show up and let Him be where He wanted to be then I wouldn't feel the need to prove myself to everyone else. 

Keep asking questions.

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