Monday, August 18, 2014

Toast and Jam

Simplicity has been calling my name lately.

If it is not vital or beautiful, it's out. The pink vest I bought in high school? Donated. The grey and white tennis shoes that have traveled through the river, trashed. Rightfully so. Junk food, begrudgingly being rerouted to others.

I have an extreme sense of removing anything superfluous from my life right now. I need breathing room. Other people with more self control are capable of having things surrounding them and keeping their mental faculties. When I am transitioning and overwhelmed, all extraneous things must go.

In my newfound simplicity I find I remember Jesus more. I am less distracted, more cognizant of being timely about things. And now I have the time to be timely. Today is my first real day off and i have done the below:

Ate toast and jam
Worn overalls.
Wandered River Market with my sister and niece.
Cut a cantaloupe.
Drank three cups of coffee via Quay and Thou Mayest
This is the happiest list. I don't really need much.

In this new season I look forward to this. I am grateful to approach things with sincerity and focus. To embrace my interests well and devout energy to them. I loved my season to work and build another's dream, but this change is beautiful too.  And after a few difficult weeks of big beginnings and ends, it's lovely to have a moment for vision. If all transitions were seamless, there would not be freedom. Freedom comes in knowing that my physical nature does not dictate my hope. It's been rocky, and more often than not others have been having to replant me back there, but it's starting to settle in my bones too.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Ease in Risk

"Would you like adventure now or should we have tea first?"
-Peter Pan

My life is like the Alice in Wonderland Unbirthday Party. Rabbits have pocket watches and I quit my job. To save you all from the catalog of events, basically I sensed God asking me to take a risk and I said yes.

There has to be a lot for me in what's to come because I love where I have been. But in stepping into this, He has been so sure. Kindly providing bread crumbs along the way to remind me that I may not know where I'm going, but there is a trail and He is positive of the direction. 

Facing this decision has been difficult. My routine is going to change. My status is going to change. My stability is going to change. There is risk to this and adjustments that must be made. Friends to be missed. Tears are close at hand lately as I consider that ominous moment Tuesday when I say goodbye. I'm terrible with goodbyes even when I don't like the situation I'm in, so leaving something I love for reasons that are still pretty ambiguous is overwhelming. 

But here God is enough. Here there is rest in the ebb. Here there is surety in enigmas. Here there is confidence in the tepid. 

These are the moments I hope I wear well, with grace and courage. Learning to believe in Provision. Satisfied in Divinity. Any given moment, there may be trepidation in my thoughts. But generally, I'm much more like Peter Pan. Content where I am, to soak in this moment as the delight it is, but preparing to head to the adventure when the time comes. 

One of the simply lovely people I have come to know this year caught me as I was leaving Quay the other day to share the below fragment from John O'Donohue's poem From the Beginning with me. It seems to be the appropriate summation

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you