Sometimes I think Christians obsess to much with learning. There is so much to be said about hard things growing us into wisdom, but I don't want to go in expectant. I don't want to be digging around in the hardness saying, "okay where's the lesson, make this worth my time." I imagine this began from someone with a genuine heart to remember that the Lord purposes things and doesn't waste hurt, but it's been exacerbated into a strangling mentality of selfishness and results.
I had a wonderful conversation with my sister this week. It was filled with grace, compassion, and understanding from her which has given me cause to reflect. My sister graces me very well with not trying to advice me through things, but to speak truth and then just let me hurt. During this conversation she was telling me that she KNOWS God works all things together for good. All things. Even when I hurt this badly. The thought of this drained me, I don't want to try to believe God, I'm drained and exasperated. And she told me that was okay. Because the heart behind community is that she could believe it for me, when I have no ability to know it's true myself.
It brought me to tears. Knowing that it's okay for me to just be hurting, to ache, cry, and let the hard things be hard, and also to know that she is choosing to believe truth for me. She's holding me up when I don't have the legs to stand on.
And maybe that's what it comes down to. I've heard so many ideas on community being about loving people, and walking through life together. The abstracts. They try to narrow it down to things like having meals, and going on walks. But really, my sister's right. It comes down to believing truth for other people, and letting them hurt when they need to. Not looking for the lesson, not trying to fix them, not trying to make them feel better. Letting them be where they are and trusting that God knows what He's doing, and being with them when they walk through the process. Whether it be good or bad.
It makes sense. It makes it about rest, not responsibility. Compassion, not control. Healing, not Band Aids. It allows people to be where they're at and not take anything from that, or add anything to it.
Talking with a friend this morning, I saw the beauty of true community catching wind. It's been a rough go of it for us, and this morning was such a sweet time. We filled each other in on the goings on, realizing that while it was sucky not feeling connected these past months, the Lord still used it for good. We didn't need each other for Him to work. Neither of us consider ourselves out of the woods, more in the thick of it than when we began actually, but it was beautiful to see the compassion that came from each of us for the other through having walked things alone.
It's humbling for me to realize my place isn't to fix. My time is better spent abiding in Truth and claiming it for those I love rather than trying to conjure up the wisest response to problems.
May we learn to be about believing things for other people. May we learn to be about compassion and grace. May we learn that we don't have to feel good for us to be where's best for us, and to love others when they're there too.