Saturday, March 10, 2012

Some Love

Happy Saturday to all! As this was a crazy pre-week-before-the-week-before-Spring-Break week and I am thrilled for time to myself. I am also thrilled that my best friend is currently on her way to meet me in Springfield--after a 3 month hiatus it will be good to see her.

In light of my post earlier this week I thought I'd update y'all on some thoughts I've been having. The first being that I want to be happy regardless of my weight. If I allow my happiness to be dependent on my weight, then we get the meltdown from earlier this week. And who wants that? Not me, that's for certain.

The second is that my comparison scale is running rampant. I have been allowing myself to value the worth of myself based on my size rather than substance (not the three spoonfuls of cookie dough I ate last night substance, the me-ness substance). I've said it before, I praise God for blogs. This week they were my encouragement. Lindsey at The Pleated Poppy hosts this fun weekly post called What I Wore Wednesdays. Basically she takes pictures of herself in outfits she wears throughout the week and posts them. I love Wednesdays because I get to peek in on the way she presents herself through the week.

And as I was looking through this week's post, it hit me. The women who link up to her post aren't all size 2 college students, or consumed with being a size 2 college student. They enjoy who they are and they choose to have fun with style and clothes wherever they are at. I needed to see that this week. I needed to see people who weren't utterly consumed with their bodies but were enjoying clothes.

I know to some of y'all that may sound utterly petty, but I think clothes are a facet of presenting oneself. Clothes have the power to make us feel really good or really bad. There is a quote I saw on Pinterest that said, "I do not have anything in my home that I do not consider to be useful or beautiful." Well the same goes for my closet. I am working at playing with the things I have and getting rid of the items that do not serve me a great purpose and I do not feel good in.

The simplicity of only owning things I feel good in and use is freeing to me. It takes my focus off of comparing myself to other people and causes me to choose to decide how I feel about things. This may seem inconsequential to the whole realm of insecurity, but I think part of the healing process for me is learning how to pursue healthy beauty for myself. When I know I feel good about what I'm wearing then I don't spend nearly the amount of time playing the comparison game with others. So I don't think it's inconsequential at all.

I have to shoot y'all straight. I spent the morning on the Fitness Pinboard on Pinterest and I could just feel the self-torment welling up inside of me about how I ate cookie dough yesterday and that I haven't been in the gym since Tuesday. And the second I realized the turn in my thinking, I refused myself the pity party and am glad for it. I know all this doesn't mean I won't be accosted by the monster still, but this little realization as to how I can better actively choose it, made me a little giddy.

I guess all this to say, if I'm going down this road, I'm taking y'all with me.

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