I know, two posts in a week, can I get a whoop whoop?!
I just got done with one of those good conversations with my momma. You know the type where you get to talk and talk and feel like you're actually making sense for once. Well. They're good for me, because I don't actually make sense very much of the time.
I've probably heard my mother say this 100 different times, mostly to me, but to others as well.
"God told me that people don't want to be a ministry, they want to be enjoyed."
For the loooooonnnngest time I have wondered what the heck that means, and am starting to land somewhere.
On a walk with a friend yesterday we just talked, no advice was administered, no judgement was rendered, no platitudes were beaten into one another, just soul-refreshing, life-giving, joy-creating catching up.
And I felt enjoyed by her.
I'm tired of and drained by conversations about "what God is doing" in my life. The expectation created in a Christian atmosphere to be growing, and finding God in things is smothering. Not once did I ever read of the apostles asking each other how God was working in their lives.
We segment our Christianity....and it causes us to lose the fullness with which we were supposed to experience it. We don't enjoy it, and it's because there is nothing to enjoy in our systematic, processed, inorganic, caged lifestyles we've produced.
Last night my sister told me of a woman who blogged every day for a year as she went through depression. She said it was ugly, heart-breaking, and not politically correct, but she also said it was beautiful, and honest, and rich with the reality of her being in the midst of that.
My small group here is comprised of some amazing girls. Over the past few months I've just gotten to hang with them and hear about school, get updated on the exciting things, listen to the boring stuff, anticipate Graduation with them, and get to walk through the confusion of second semester of their senior year of high school. It's been wonderful. I love the slow and natural way relationships take shape when there is no expectation, but instead, lots of love, grace, and enjoyment.
There's no totem pole or standard to judge how "good" the relationship is, it gets to stand alone and freely blow around as it may. It is free, pure, true, and Godly. It allows room for mistakes, and boxes out a place for judgment; leaves space to grow and mature and to not need to be fixed or to fix. It's centered around enjoying others and the relationship that Christ intended for us to have with one another.
Those kind of relationships are refreshing to me. They say, "hey, you get to just be a part of the goings on of my day, I don't have to segment time for you, you're welcome to join me, and it's enjoyed if you're here." They are the relationships where you can sit and watch TV together, or clean your room while you idly chat, or catch up over laundry. No pressure, no rules.
I think that is completely Godly because I think that's completely God. Truth manifests itself in the way we live our lives. God enjoys us the same at all times, whether we are in month 3 of a lull, or at the top of a mountain screaming our lungs out to Him in passion. He enjoys us the same at all points. I think that's beautiful.
That is the kind of relationship that leaves me wanting more. That warrants desire in my life to change and take in other people's ways, it is the kind of relationship that cultivates the earning of the privilege to speak in people's lives rather than assuming it because of "wisdom." I think there is a lot of times more wisdom in listening and stillness than there could be in the most applicable idea.
I want to be a woman who is allowed to grow at my own speed, and retract a little too. I want to be a woman that allows people to grow at their own pace, and enjoy them all the same, without assuming responsibility for their actions. I want to earn the right to speak into people's lives and believe God is big enough when they don't hear me. I want to cherish people, enjoy relationships, and not be strangled by expectations.
I want freedom.